Halloween Day 1: Monster Massive

The Wife and I decided to attend something called Monster Massive, which is apparently a rave.

Things got off to an interesting start when we saw the line literally stretch around the block (and it's a huge block around the LA Sports Arena) filled with kids who looked like they should be in middle school, let alone high school, let alone the ostensible minimum age of 18.

After it took us a half-hour just to find parking and make to the entrance, we were confronted with another 25-minute wait before we were able to enter.

Mein Gott in Himmel!

The place was packed, packed! The women were almost all dressed in underwear and not much else. The men were sweaty (too bad this wasn't West Hollywood, at least the wife would have had something to look at).

Now I finally understood all those glowsticks and light-knuckles. You see, if you have someone "dance" the lights in front of your face in many undulating patterns, it tends to enhance whatever chemically-induced experience you may be having.

Of course, any time I got tired and decided to take a seat, some kid would come up and start doing the "light dance" in front of me. That's all right kid, I'm good.

You see, these things are never that much fun when you're sober and the only options are the very legal Miller Lite stalls or the very illegal "want a pill?" guys who kept coming up to me. [For the record No - I didn't get any pills - and No - I didn't get any enhancements from the 5 Miller Lites I pounded.]

Apparently chemically-enhanced kids like being touched...which explains all the rubbing-up that ensued, from both genders. The pick-up line of choice for the guys hitting on my wife: "It's my birthday, and I'm single." For the girls hitting on me: "Can I have a sip of your beer?" [My response: "Umm, no, I don't know where those lips have been."]

I think at some point I saw Batman and Robin making out, and my wife saw one girl massage another girl's, umm, you knows...and that was just the tip of the iceberg (this is a family blog after all).

The DJs [Felix da Housecat, Digitalism, and Armin van Buuren] were all good and we managed to last until about 2:30 am.

The final point that drove home just how old and un-hip we were?

We left the only empty spot in the parking lot.

Monster Massive